SIGH*** Jennifer is on the phone with her mom. How nice. And she's torturing me but she's expecting me to be quiet because HER MOM is on the phone. LOL. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............
I feel like I have done nothing... Yeah. How sad. I must study VERY VERY VERY hard for my upcoming tests.
OH did I mention that Thursdays now are my DIE days. They're the days when I wake up in the morning and I'm out for the whole day until 8PM. And by the time I get home, it's like almost 9. BLAH.
They say if you want something bad enough, you'll get it.
Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 7:31 p.m.
I really want to ace this test. I really really really want to ace this test. I want to do really really really well on this test.
Mom, give me the strength to stay focus. I know I can do well. I just have to focus.
I need something to believe that I can do this. I don't have to go through all this alone.
You know you make me a better person. It's my fault for not trying hard enough. So I'm sorry, can you just try a little harder. I promise to not give up.
@ 8:29 a.m.
Life is a challenge—meet it. Life is a gift—appreciate it. Life is a duty—perform it. Life is a game—play it. Life is a song—sing it. Life is an opportunity—take it. Life is a struggle—grow from it. Life is a goal—achieve it. Life is a journal—complete it.
Back? Yes? No? Maybe so?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010 @ 3:24 p.m.
Maybe I should keep tumblr for my light-hearted blogging because it wasn't until today when I spoke to Jennifer that I realized that the only reason I stopped blogging was because nobody reads it. What kind of a lame excuse is that?
So. No. I refuse to succumb to the peer pressure and the need to feel wanted, lmfao. Okay, too dramatic. But point is, I should blog because I have something to say, something in my mind, and something that I can't put politically-correctly into words. I'm so bad with words, a reason why I avoided English courses at all costs in university, so hence when I blog, there's no one to judge me on the way I write or the things I say. Hell, I can say whatever I want.
I like writing though. I think I'm a good writer, lol. Of course, I've got a football team of people ready to jump at me for saying that, but I, myself, think that I'm a good writer. I may not always be grammatically- or syntactically- correct, but I think I am able to express myself very well, lol.
Today, I met up with Jen today. I don't know if she'll read this since I didn't officially give her my blog URL so I don't know if she'll remember. Point is, I'm glad that we can actually call each other up and just go out for the hell of it now. I think she's the ONE person that's keeping me sane. Actually, she might not be the only person but definitely the only person that I can trust. Ironic how we go through this whole trust issue and in the end, she's the one that I trust the most. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've always seen her as a good person. She's not the type to steal or cheat or lie... without GOOD intentions. I think it's because I just set such HIGH hopes for her which I guess is an unfair standard because people will lie and cheat... maybe not steal but... you know. No one is PERFECT.
I think it's because she's a high school friend. And even though we stopped talking for like FOUR years, the moment I started talking to her again, everything can just come pouring out. It's strange because usually when I talk to someone, there's always that 5 second internal debate where I decide whether or not I should share such a secret with them. But when it comes to Jen, I just tell her without thinking. Actually I tell her and THEN I think, which is pretty useless. I don't know why I do that, it's not like I can take back the words later or anything. Pfft. So mo liu of me.
Right now I'm at Gerstein, I have to head over to the Koffler Center later to discuss my LEGAL issue AGAIN. UGH. I just want to move out right now and stop thinking about all these things. I need to concentrate on my studies!!!
Oh and I think I learned an important lesson today. Hard work does pay off. I used to think that at UofT, no matter how hard you work, you can still fail. I just got back my statistics mark, it's not fabulous. I worked SO hard throughout the entire semester but because I wrote the deferred exam, I knew I completely bombed it. COMPLETELY. I ended up with a fairly decent mark. And I know I only got this mark because I worked my ass off during the entire school year. I guess... hard work DOES pay off and when it doesn't, maybe I didn't work hard enough. Hard work isn't relative to yourself, which is sort of what I always compared it to. If I usually study 4 hours a day and tomorrow I study 6 hours, that means I worked harder. Doesn't it? Because UofT, marks, graduate school, professional school are just competitive in nature, everything needs not be based on YOU but the people around you. If you study 6 hours but the person next to you studied for 10 hours, you can say you worked hard but you didn't work hard enough. Why? Because the person who studied 10 hours is probably going to know more stuff than you and know it better than you. And when time comes for you to write your exam, the people who studied 10 hours will probably be able to get more answers correct and when they do, the professors are going to bell curve the marks DOWN because they can't have so many people doing well. DO YOU SEE?!?!
I don't know how much more I can study since I feel like I'm at the THRESHOLD of work already. If I study anymore, my life will entirely consist of 100% studying time, which isn't what I want. Maybe I'm just not studying efficiently... Hm, I still say hook up with a friend at the library to sit down and get some real shit done because when I'm at home, I do admit that I daydream too much. ^^
Wow. What a long post. I supposed this proves that I really do miss blogging.
profile
introduction
STEPHANIE
Don't try to understand me.
I live in complete chaos. Too much work. Too much fun. And too little time to myself.
Dramas, movies, music, dance and art take over a big portion of my life.
But my time is divided upon science.
I want to become a doctor. Of some kind. Change the world. *enter cliche moment*
Yes, sorry. I don't believe art can change the world.
I think art people come up with excuses to make their jobs seem more worthwhile and meaningful. Just kidding...
I don't know what else to write here, but to be honest, I can never fully describe myself because I'm just... disarray of... stuff.
Today...
Tuesday, March 16, 2010 @ 9:05 p.m.
SIGH*** Jennifer is on the phone with her mom. How nice. And she's torturing me but she's expecting me to be quiet because HER MOM is on the phone. LOL. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.............
I feel like I have done nothing... Yeah. How sad. I must study VERY VERY VERY hard for my upcoming tests.
OH did I mention that Thursdays now are my DIE days. They're the days when I wake up in the morning and I'm out for the whole day until 8PM. And by the time I get home, it's like almost 9. BLAH.
They say if you want something bad enough, you'll get it.
Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 7:31 p.m.
I really want to ace this test. I really really really want to ace this test. I want to do really really really well on this test.
Mom, give me the strength to stay focus. I know I can do well. I just have to focus.
I need something to believe that I can do this. I don't have to go through all this alone.
You know you make me a better person. It's my fault for not trying hard enough. So I'm sorry, can you just try a little harder. I promise to not give up.
@ 8:29 a.m.
Life is a challenge—meet it. Life is a gift—appreciate it. Life is a duty—perform it. Life is a game—play it. Life is a song—sing it. Life is an opportunity—take it. Life is a struggle—grow from it. Life is a goal—achieve it. Life is a journal—complete it.
Back? Yes? No? Maybe so?
Tuesday, March 9, 2010 @ 3:24 p.m.
Maybe I should keep tumblr for my light-hearted blogging because it wasn't until today when I spoke to Jennifer that I realized that the only reason I stopped blogging was because nobody reads it. What kind of a lame excuse is that?
So. No. I refuse to succumb to the peer pressure and the need to feel wanted, lmfao. Okay, too dramatic. But point is, I should blog because I have something to say, something in my mind, and something that I can't put politically-correctly into words. I'm so bad with words, a reason why I avoided English courses at all costs in university, so hence when I blog, there's no one to judge me on the way I write or the things I say. Hell, I can say whatever I want.
I like writing though. I think I'm a good writer, lol. Of course, I've got a football team of people ready to jump at me for saying that, but I, myself, think that I'm a good writer. I may not always be grammatically- or syntactically- correct, but I think I am able to express myself very well, lol.
Today, I met up with Jen today. I don't know if she'll read this since I didn't officially give her my blog URL so I don't know if she'll remember. Point is, I'm glad that we can actually call each other up and just go out for the hell of it now. I think she's the ONE person that's keeping me sane. Actually, she might not be the only person but definitely the only person that I can trust. Ironic how we go through this whole trust issue and in the end, she's the one that I trust the most. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I've always seen her as a good person. She's not the type to steal or cheat or lie... without GOOD intentions. I think it's because I just set such HIGH hopes for her which I guess is an unfair standard because people will lie and cheat... maybe not steal but... you know. No one is PERFECT.
I think it's because she's a high school friend. And even though we stopped talking for like FOUR years, the moment I started talking to her again, everything can just come pouring out. It's strange because usually when I talk to someone, there's always that 5 second internal debate where I decide whether or not I should share such a secret with them. But when it comes to Jen, I just tell her without thinking. Actually I tell her and THEN I think, which is pretty useless. I don't know why I do that, it's not like I can take back the words later or anything. Pfft. So mo liu of me.
Right now I'm at Gerstein, I have to head over to the Koffler Center later to discuss my LEGAL issue AGAIN. UGH. I just want to move out right now and stop thinking about all these things. I need to concentrate on my studies!!!
Oh and I think I learned an important lesson today. Hard work does pay off. I used to think that at UofT, no matter how hard you work, you can still fail. I just got back my statistics mark, it's not fabulous. I worked SO hard throughout the entire semester but because I wrote the deferred exam, I knew I completely bombed it. COMPLETELY. I ended up with a fairly decent mark. And I know I only got this mark because I worked my ass off during the entire school year. I guess... hard work DOES pay off and when it doesn't, maybe I didn't work hard enough. Hard work isn't relative to yourself, which is sort of what I always compared it to. If I usually study 4 hours a day and tomorrow I study 6 hours, that means I worked harder. Doesn't it? Because UofT, marks, graduate school, professional school are just competitive in nature, everything needs not be based on YOU but the people around you. If you study 6 hours but the person next to you studied for 10 hours, you can say you worked hard but you didn't work hard enough. Why? Because the person who studied 10 hours is probably going to know more stuff than you and know it better than you. And when time comes for you to write your exam, the people who studied 10 hours will probably be able to get more answers correct and when they do, the professors are going to bell curve the marks DOWN because they can't have so many people doing well. DO YOU SEE?!?!
I don't know how much more I can study since I feel like I'm at the THRESHOLD of work already. If I study anymore, my life will entirely consist of 100% studying time, which isn't what I want. Maybe I'm just not studying efficiently... Hm, I still say hook up with a friend at the library to sit down and get some real shit done because when I'm at home, I do admit that I daydream too much. ^^
Wow. What a long post. I supposed this proves that I really do miss blogging.
